It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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