we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
