If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
