Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
