Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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