Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
