I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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