uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
