I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
