i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
