I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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