it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
