If that was your dad, he is hot
i think i have two assholes
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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