Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
