Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
