then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
