apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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