I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
