dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
