Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He had one of those small greek statue penises
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
