A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
