Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
