had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
