she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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