the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
