Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
