Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
