Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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