pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Who died my cat blue again?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
