Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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