I hate your face
We won't sleep together?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
