Can Purell be used as lube?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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