she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
