shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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