my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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