It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
