i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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