Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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