Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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