So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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