So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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