u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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