Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
