I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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