Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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