If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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