I wanna bring you to show and tell
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
