I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
