Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
