Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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