Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How's work?
Spinning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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