im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
