Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
